Theories of CitizenK01 (12)

+++ BREAKING NEWS +++

Bruno Heller is going to announce next week that the show formerly known as The Mentalist will get a new name and will be called "The Red Herring" from episode 9 on.

The show will go on with just presenting a bunch of red herrings completely unrelated to anything which will happen in the finale. "We won't give any explanations in the future either - and nothing we show will be related to the story, if there even is a story", says Heller, "that's what the fans are used to and what they expect to see from us".

Everyone in the team is thrilled to start working on more red herrings than ever before, nothing of which will have any relation to the great finale in season 12.

CBS is also going proudly reveal that "The Pigeon" will join the cast as a new main character in the next episodes. But it of course won't have anything to do with a story either. The pigeon will be there in case we need it for the great finale after another 6 seasons, when Jane will face the evil Red Herring for a minute before he goes on killing him. "We can already say that the Red Herring is the most evil character ever, he will even instantly cry when he faces Jane", a spokesman of the network adds.

"Killing the Red Herring before he could even say a word in the end will be Jane's third murder and make him a serial killer too", says actor Simon Baker, who is already thrilled about playing the new antagonist after season 12 then.

So

- Partridge indeed always was just an idiot, there was no story behind it.

- Haffner indeed always was just an idiot, there was no story behind it.

- Stiles indeed always was just a nut job cult leader, there was no story behind it.

- Kirkland indeed always was just a complete nut job, he even killed the only one able to identify Red John in the search for Red John. There was no story behind it.

- I have no idea who Bertram was, but he indeed just turned into a complete nut job and went on a killing spree out of nowhere. I have no idea how to come up with his story without lots of drugs involved.

- The guy writing "he is mar..." was indeed just an idiot who couldn't write just the name of his killer but wanted to make a poem out of it or whatever. There was no story behind it.

- Red John was indeed the leader of a secret organization and wanted Jane to lead the CBI into investigating his secret organization. To make it easier, he marked everyone with three dots - including himself. Well, at least he had no Red John smiley tattoo on his forehead.

Can we get the background story of the pigeon now?

Dear Mr. Heller,

this is your lucky day! The reveal of Red John is the most crucial episode and will decide the fate of the series and all your staff. It will either bring back a great show to new heights or crash it into the ground. It will make you a TV legend or look like a complete retard.

I guess by now, you probably know what the leaked episode will be.

So just stop it. Halt the Sunday episode and remake it.

Give us a true evil genius as Red John, give us a long dialog with Jane, give us the James Bond moment of the villain making the mistake to explain himself before he wants to kill the hero. Give us a lot of smart talk and flashbacks explaining what was really going on. Show us some charisma of evil. Give us the story of Red John and what made him Red John. And give us a mentalist who was even smarter.

Thank you.

P.S.: How about printing fan t-shirts with the text "I followed Red John for 5 years and all I got was a pigeon"?

This is up there with the worst endings in TV history. It's like the writers sat down with 7 pictures of the suspects and just pulled one at random. There is no story in this episode. Bruno Heller was telling the truth, Red John is just a regular guy. No charisma, no smart talk, no explanation what made him to become Red John, no connections to anything in past episodes, no nothing, just a guy who is killed by Jane and that's it.

You could actually replace Red John by any character who was ever for more than 10 seconds on the show and there was nothing that needed to be changed in the episode, except replacing the Red John actor. Everyone would fit. It was completely generic.